Vanquishing the Devil's Wisdom (Lucifer Has Teeth Pulled)
by Fluttering Phalanges
Summary: When Lucifer has to have teeth pulled, Chloe finds herself taking care of one very loopy, very lusty Devil.


**I've had this in the works for several months now (the idea and title) and finally decided to write it! I hope you enjoy! Feedback is greatly loved and appreciated! -Jen**

 **Vanquishing the Devil's Wisdom**

 **(Lucifer Has Teeth Pulled)**

Wisdom teeth. Roughly five million people a year have theirs removed. That's approximately 85% of all adults. Worldwide, you're looking at several million teeth pulled. And yet, those numbers aren't as astonishing as the fact that one of the most powerful beings in all of existence has to, just like many mortals, have his own extracted. Lucifer Morningstar. Former ruler of Hell-or still, depending on who you ask. Owner of arguably Los Angeles's most popular night club. The true Devil himself and yet, due to his utmost misfortune, now rules on a throne that is a dentist's chair. Certainly, in his opinion, a cruel act by "dear old Dad". How macabre.

 _"Is he out yet?" -Dan_

Chloe snapped out of her daze, accidentally knocking the People's magazine she had on her lap onto the floor. Her phone chimed loudly, announcing Dan's text to seemingly the entire waiting room. Quickly apologizing for the noise, while also mentally cursing herself for forgetting to put it on vibrate, she retrieved her cell from her purse.

 _"No, but it's been almost thirty minutes. Hopefully soon." -Chloe_

 _"Think he's giving them a hard time?" -Dan_

 _"I gave them permission to restrain him if he did." -Chloe_

 _"Wait, can they even do that?" -Dan_

 _"It was a joke. Sort of. Anyway, I'll text you later when he's out. Give Trixie a hug for me." -Chloe_

 _"Good luck, you're going to need it." -Dan_

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at Dan's last message, even if it was true. It was hard enough "convincing" Lucifer to go to the dentist in the first place. What started off as a small infection underneath one of his gums soon grew to be more problematic. When it got to the point where he could barely manage to eat a spoonful of soup without his entire mouth aching, he finally caved. Which was lucky enough for Chloe, who had become desperate enough to consider offering him sex if he'd promise to go.

Ultimately, much to her dismay and Lucifer's "moderate" annoyance, it was determined that the best option was to have the tooth pulled that was causing the issue. When the dentist suggested just going in and pulling the other three teeth as well for good measure, Chloe was quick to agree before even giving her partner a say.

As anticipated, Lucifer continually grumbled and attempted to-and failed to-make a solid argument to stop his impending molar extractions. Yet, when the day came, though still very against the idea, he still agreed to get in the car and go. Whether it was due to his pain or to appease her, she didn't know nor care. She quietly, while secretly appreciating the irony, thanked God for the lack of a struggle. It would be hard enough getting him home in his loopy state as it was.

It was the unexpected, incredibly loud clatter that pulled Chloe from her thoughts. Immediately her gaze, as well as the entire waiting room's, turned to the doorway that led into the corridor of examination rooms. Without pausing to bicker with the receptionist about going back, the detective bravely ventured forward to locate the source of the noise. Or rather, the person making it.

"Detective!"

Chloe's foot had barely crossed the threshold when she was met with quite the interesting scene. It wasn't the many metal tools knocked everywhere across the room that captured her attention. No, rather the two, poor dental hygienists that were trying desperately to steady the very disorientated, clumsy Devil under their care.

"Detective!"

The word came out muffled as Lucifer seemingly tried to grin around the cotton pads packed tightly within both sides of his mouth. He stumbled forward slightly, swaying a little as if dizzy. Not wanting to take the chance of him falling and doing more damage, Chloe hurried forward to steady him.

"I'm so sorry," she huffed, trying to hold up Lucifer-who had taken to letting all of his weight rest against Chloe. "I'll get him out of your way." As best she could, Chloe attempted to shift her partner into an easier, more comfortable position. "C'mon, Lucifer, let's go home."

"I think…" he drooled, leaning against the detective as she guided him out of the building. "I think I left the corvette in Hell."

"Then it's a good thing we took my car," she exhaled, somehow managing to open the passenger side door of her vehicle while supporting the well over six foot man. "You're in no state to Uber."

By some stroke of luck, Chloe managed to pull out of the dentistry parking lot despite having to swat Lucifer's hands away multiple times as he reached for the gears. She'd seen him drunk, and even high, but doped up on laughing gas was taking things to a whole new level.

"Hey, quit that! Don't take those out."

Momentarily, Lucifer stopped messing with the blood soaked gauze in his mouth. He made a weird, unattractive gurgling sound before turning his head to look at Chloe.

Before she realized what was happening, Lucifer, trying to grope at Chloe's boob, entirely missed his target and ultimately smacked her in the face.

"Dammit, Lucifer," she hissed, blinking her left eye several times to alleviate the pain from where one of his fingers poked it. "Hands to yourself!"

"Jokes on you, Detective," the words difficult to understand through the pads. "I don't have any hands!"

At this point, she could only sigh as she continued to drive down the road. Thankfully, they weren't too far from her place. But the high hopes of arriving home soon were quickly diminished as they hit unexpected traffic. A widespread congestion, she soon learned from the radio, due to a bad accident.

"I want off this roller coaster," Lucifer slurred. "My stomach hurts."

"Lucifer," Chloe inhaled. "I haven't asked much of you. But please, I beg of you, do not throw up in my car."

The traffic continued to crawl, Chloe's highest speed not reaching more than twenty miles an hour. Lucifer had grown quiet, exhaustion beginning to set in. This wasn't the ideal situation, seeing as it would be mere impossible for her to drag the sleeping, former ruler of Hell into her house. She had to keep him awake, even if it meant bruising her sanity.

"Hey, Lucifer," she inhaled, nudging him awake. "Talk to me."

"My tongue is asleep," he mumbled. "It's tired."

"Well your tongue can stay up for just a little longer, can it?" She was losing him. "How about you ask me questions? You do love digging into my private life."

"Hm," Lucifer seemed to consider this. "Any questions?"

"Any."

"Have you ever gone skinny dipping?"

Chloe rolled her eyes, "Oh course you would ask...yes, yes I have."

"Ooh," he smiled, seeming more alert. "Next question…" Lucifer made a motion as if he were spinning a wheel. At least, that's what Chloe hoped he was doing. "Was Dan good in bed?"

"What?" Despite not having anything in her mouth, Chloe choked. "Wh...Why would you…" When his dark eyes continued to stay fixed on her, she let out a long sigh. "He was fine, I guess."

"Am I good in bed?"

"We haven't slept together." Chloe replied, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"We almost have."

"Not really."

Quiet filled the car once more, Chloe taking to drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. It wasn't exactly an awkward silence. Lucifer had talked a lot about sex with her-mostly in a joking fashion. This was more like a moment of pause. The detective expecting the next question to involve something sexual, whatever the nature be.

"One more question," Lucifer spoke, voice strangely soft. "Do you love me?

This time Chloe didn't choke on air. No, instead, Chloe couldn't breathe. The oxygen she took in seemed to expand in her lungs, forcing its way down her chest and into her stomach. It was as if at any moment she could pop. She could feel Lucifer's eyes on her as she sat there, gripping the wheel until her knuckles turned white.

"Because I love you."

Lucifer. The Devil himself. Lord of Darkness. Fallen Angel. The man who couldn't ever keep his mouth shut and yet, when it came to his feelings about her, always failed to express them, just admitted his love for her. Right here, in a car, in the middle of traffic, high on laughing gas. Well shit. And the thing was, she knew it wasn't just his high talking. No, it was his high making him talk.

"I spoke too soon, haven't I?"

Chloe snapped back into reality, noticing Lucifer's ever present stare on her. He still looked exhausted, still loopy, but through that she could see he understood what he had been saying.

"Lucifer, I…" She swallowed, her fingers loosening from the steering wheel. "You are, by far, one of the most invasive, cocky, insanely ridiculous man I've ever met. Ever." Chloe paused, then with hesitation, reached over and placed a hand on his knee. "But despite all of that. And there's a lot. I do love you."

"Really?" He perked up. "You mean it?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "I do."

"Well, I should have my teeth pulled more often," he stated. "Shall we seal it with a kiss?"

"Not with bloody gauze in your mouth." She snorted. "And not when you're still out of it."

"I can't win everything, I suppose," Lucifer situated himself back in his seat. "Now I think I'll take a nap if you don't mind."

"I do! Lucifer!" Chloe exhaled in defeat when he closed his eyes. "Guess I can't win everything either."

Her stare flickered back to the traffic as the congestion began to clear up. Gripping the wheel, she gave Lucifer one final glance. He looked a mess with tousled hair, drool slicked around his lips and chin, and cotton pad stuffed mouth. She shook her head, a small smile crossing her features. This was probably not the luck Dan had wished her, but it sure as hell turned out to be well worthwhile. Hopefully her love for Lucifer would remain when they got home and she'd have to figure out how to get him inside. But that's another story for a different time.


End file.
